An ADHD Life Well Lived

The most important lesson I have learned since my ADHD diagnosis is that to get things done I need to do what works for me and not necessarily what works for “everyone else.”

For me, it doesn’t matter what other people think about my priorities anymore because I now know that what I need to succeed is different from many people.

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Back in 1990 I had just had a baby and quit my job.

I imagined that having  “all day” to take care of her and clean the house without the hours devoted to a full-time outside job would be relatively easy.

I imagined a clean house, clean laundry with plenty of time to cook and still have plenty of time to explore the new town we had just moved to.

This turned out to not be true at all.

I was struggling every day.

And on those (few) days that I successfully did most of the daily tasks, I was extremely irritable by the end of the day. 

The irritability that came with “success” didn't make any sense to me, and it took me months to even recognize that there was a connection.

In order to “force” myself to do the daily tasks, I had promised myself that the baby  and I would not go outside until they were completely done.

After all, the productivity experts say we should reward ourselves for completing our goals, right?

Can you guess what happened instead?

The tasks were never completely done - so my daughter and I did not go for a weekday walk for close to six months!

What nobody knew then was that ADHD brains are not sufficiently motivated by It rewards and (non-immediate) negative consequences to take action.

The problem was not me, it was that my efforts to increase motivation did not match my brain.

Did you know that back then I truly believed each and every day that my daughter and I would get outside for a walk after the chores were done! 

After all, the tasks were simple and I was capable of doing them. 

The interesting thing was that on those few days that I succeeded in completed the chores, I ended the day extremely irritable.

My story is a good example of the basic differences in effective motivational techniques between non-ADHD brains and ADHD brains. 

Note: 

At the time, I was not yet diagnosed with ADHD. Even after I was diagnosed in 1995 it would be decades before researchers would discover how to create motivation in the ADHD brain. (for more on this, see my post, “Motivation That Works!”)

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What I Know Now:

1. I need time to myself to reset and take a break from focusing. 

2. I need to connect with people that accept me as I truly am.

3. I need to celebrate successes daily, no  matter how tiny other people may think those wins are. (This is because ADHD brains are motivated by successes.)

4. I need to create interest in a task in order to start and complete it without relying solely on willpower. (For more on how to use interest, see my post: "Why 'Just Do It' Doesn't Work With ADHD Brains")

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Now that I have stopped pretending to be someone I am not and have learned to work with my unique brain:

• I have more energy. 

• I get more of the important things done.

• I am happier (which is a big deal).

So fellow ADHDers, let’s take a page from 

the poem and book by Jenny Joseph:

Let’s do our version of wearing purple despite what the world thinks.

Let's show up as our true selves and take the time we need to play, create, and pursue our passions.

What about you?

• Are you putting off living your life fully as your true self?

• Are you waiting to “succeed” at what’s hard for you before you give yourself permission to fully be yourself?

What would happen if you went ahead

and got started on that thing today? 🤔

The world deserves what only you can offer!

It deserves to experience the passion for life that you will exude when you are doing activities that are aligned with the real you.

It is my fervent hope that ADHD women can start to live fully without letting the mundane actions of life taking priority.

What will you do next?